I am reluctant to write about personal development issues on
this blog. The most important reason is that I don’t have much professional
knowledge relevant to the subject. That should not prevent me from writing
about my personal experience, but the blog isn’t really meant to be about me.
Actually, that line of argument might be a bit suspect
because a fair amount of what I write about reflects my personal perceptions.
The real reason I am reluctant to write much about my personal experience in dealing with stress is that readers might think that I am claiming to be a top performer in that
respect. I don’t like the idea of having to explain, for example, why I still
don’t perform very well when I am trying to think on my feet.
Perhaps the problem is that when I have been trying to think
on my feet my mind has been occupied in thinking about what observers
may be thinking of me, rather than in accessing the emotions that the question
should be evoking as I compose a response. Anyhow, whatever I say or write
other people have to make up their own minds about me. I don’t control other
people’s thought processes.
I think it would be fair to say that all of Gallwey’s books
are to a large extent about avoiding the adverse effects of stress on our
ability to function. This book is as much a pleasure to read as Tim Gallwey’s
other inner game books. Gallwey is an expert in getting his message across by
telling interesting stories based on his own personal experience. I have read all
but one of his books. I wrote an article a few years ago describing how the
books had helped me in dealing with a stress-related problem.
The main point in this book is that stress involves an inner
game as well as external stressors. The inner game arises largely from trying
to live with illusions about our own identities. It is as though an internal ‘Stress
Maker’ has stolen our identities and substituted an illusion in order to create
fear, doubt and confusion. The illusions woven by the ‘Stress Maker’ originate
from the concepts, perceptions and expectations of other people.
The great strength of the inner game approach, it seems to
me, is that it avoids the extravagant claim that we can be whatever we imagine
that we want to be. It encourages the belief that each of us has a real
identity (perhaps I could call it a ‘natural self’) that we, as individuals,
are ultimately responsible for developing. Other people may see our identities
as illusions that we have created in our own minds, but we should know better.
We know intuitively how to be who and what we are when we by-pass the illusions
that seem to be pressuring us, and recognize that we own our own lives. We also
recognize our inner resources and the opportunities for learning and enjoyment
that are available in association with pursuit of our performance goals. We can
learn to trust ourselves to function more successfully.
The book provides practical guidance on how to break the
momentum of stress – how to stop and become aware of what you are trying to
control and what you can control. It discusses the potential we have to
liberate ourselves from illusions by re-assessing the meaning of experiences.
From what I have written, some readers might be concerned
that the book might encourage people to become too self-centred – to question
the social norms that were instilled in them during childhood and to pursue
their own interests at the expense of other people. I think such concerns are
misplaced. People don't question norms that they have internalized - adherence to such norms is a matter of
self-respect rather than fear. The book recognizes that it is
important for individuals to have deep relationships with others. One of the
exercises in the book involves seeing problems in a relationship from the perspective
of the other person – to understand what they may be thinking, feeling and
wanting.
My only reservation about the book is that much of the
advice presented in it is based on case studies and has not, as far as I know,
been subjected to rigorous scientific testing. Many of the recommendations
should, perhaps, be thought of as having the status of hypotheses that have yet
to be tested. Readers who try the exercises suggested in the book should be
aware that they are conducting little experiments. I don’t think that is a
significant problem. One of the themes of the book is to encourage readers to become
more aware of what they are doing at present and of the effects of doing things
differently.
It is possible that this book, and Tim Gallwey’s other inner
game books, may benefit some people more than others. On the basis
of my own experience, all I can say is that the ideas in Tim Gallwey’s books have
served me well.
Postsript:
Anyone interested in learning more about the effects of stress on the body should click here to see a useful interactive chart.
Postsript:
Anyone interested in learning more about the effects of stress on the body should click here to see a useful interactive chart.
2 comments:
I liked it when you said this:
"Anyhow, whatever I say or write other people have to make up their own minds about me. I don’t control other people’s thought processes."
Too many times I find I wonder or am overly concerned about another's perception of me. I shall recall this in order to put this concern into perspective. Thanks!
Hi Theresa
I have even heard some people say that what other people are thinking of you is none of your business.
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